IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY- EPISODE 1&2 ANALYSIS

It’s really been awhile since I last posted in this blog, so I decided to dedicate some time to update my posts here during my semester break~ By sheer coincidence, this series happened to air at the start of my one month holiday so I decided to do an analysis of this kdrama, and I’m so glad I did.

What I really liked about this series was how they used fairy tales to address sensitive topics such as mental health, social issues, emotional setbacks, and also empowerment. I personally found myself relating a lot to the characters inside, because what they experienced were similar to what we all will experience in real life (if we have not), and this series just served as a reminder to us.

Every episode felt therapeutic, and I believe that the message the series wanted to convey was that

Who you are from the past, or from what others defined you as is not important; there’s always a bright path ahead, if you’re ready to face it.

I personally recommend this series for everyone to watch, not only because of their amazing cinematography and the direct confrontation towards mental health, but also because every episode was so emotionally fulfilling and satisfying in a way that makes you want to connect with the characters.. I can just imagine the heartbreak I’m going to feel after this series ends TT

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Do take note that the following analysis is based on only Episode 1 & 2’s storyline, and I tried my best to avoid revealing future events that took place in the later episodes! Do take note of that before reading ~

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“The Boy Who Fed On Nightmares”

“"A boy that always woke up to his nightmares offered his soul to a witch in order for him to live without his nightmares.

Years went by, and the boy became an adult. He no longer had nightmares, but for some reason, he was not happy at all. When time came to fulfil his promise of offering the witch his soul, he shouted at her with so much resentment, ‘All my bad memories are gone, so why am I still unhappy?’ Before taking his soul, the witch said, ‘Memories of hurting others and being hurt. Memories of being abandoned. Only those with such memories buried in their hearts can become stronger, more passionate, and emotionally flexible. And only those can attain happiness.” The witch then reminded the boy to never forget this, otherwise, he’ll forever be a kid whose soul never grows.”

In this case, the boy from this fairy tale wasn’t only referring to one character, but everyone, particularly the main characters from this series:

Gang Tae

After losing both of his parents at a really young age, the male lead Moon Gang Tae (played by Kim Soo Hyun) carried the heavy responsibility to take care of his autistic brother Moon Sang Tae (played by Oh Jung Se). He was forced to adapt to the ‘adult world’ fast, and worked as a caregiver in hospital wards alongside with multiple part time jobs to support him and his brother.

The two brothers never settled down anywhere, because Gang Tae would quit his job whenever his elder hyung Sang Tae’s nightmares occurred. GT thought that by moving to new environments, ST would be able to forget the trauma of witnessing his mother’s death several years ago.

Source:Strait Times

Just like how the boy wished to forget his nightmares in the fairy tale, Gang Tae wished to forget his childhood trauma too. His mother’s death was something he could never get over with, so he avoided staying near his hometown, where his mother was murdered, at all cost.

Exactly as the witch from the fairy tale predicted for the boy, GT’s soul never got the chance to grow. The ‘soul’ here referred to one’s emotional well-being, and just like placing importance on one’s physical health, one’s emotional health must also be cared for.

As a result of not confronting his trauma, Gang Tae learnt to repress and deny his feelings. He willingly chose to relay his need of being cared for by dedicating his time and feelings for others instead. He also learnt to become over-independent, choosing not to open up to anyone else except his brother and his best friend, Oh Jae Su (played by Kang Ki Doong).

After Gang Tae’s second encounter with the children’s book author Ko Mun Young (played by Seo Ye Ji) and also after reading her book, he realised that is was HIM running away from his fear of heading back to his hometown, not Sang Tae. All this time Gang Tae had always reasoned that they avoided going back to their birthplace because Sang Tae’s nightmares would worsen when in fact it was him wanting to avoid dealing with his past memories.

However, as you will discover after watching the next few episodes, this was only the first step towards Gang Tae’s healing. While he conquered the fear of going back to his hometown, the major issue of his denial of himself and his childhood insecurities still held him back.

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Mun Young

By far my favourite character from the series, I’m really fascinated by this children’s book author, not only because of her disengagement with reality and lack of remorse (which honestly felt cringy and hilarious at times), but more towards the maturity found from her storybooks. I always assumed that people with antisocial personality disorders (APSD) would never understand deeper emotional issues such as trauma or empathy but this beautiful soul addressed it all so openly in her books, which challenged my (and I’m sure many other viewers) assumptions about APSD.

To back up my point, I researched about this symptom and came across a few people sharing their first-hand experience living with APSD. I can definitely confirm that while there’s negative social stigma associated with socio/psychopathy, people with APSD are in fact well aware of their differences, and they too admit their struggles of fitting in to society.

You can read up more about APSD here:

> "Here's What's it's like to have a mental illness associated with psychopaths"

> "Life with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APSD)"

Even though the first two episodes never revealed much about her past yet, we do know that she lived through a very traumatic childhood herself, as she was strangled by her now hospitalised father that wanted her to die. Her mother had also supposedly passed away years ago.

Just like the boy in the fairy tale, she hoped to forget her scars by denying her parents’ existence. She wholeheartedly convinced herself that both her parents were dead.

Mun Young was aware of how deeply her childhood affected her, and how she carried that unhealed scar along, growing up. From what I understood, as the author of the book, Mun Young believed herself to be the witch instead of the boy. Like the witch, she understood that all her past made her the person she was. But what she failed (or chose not) to realise was that she herself had not confronted her past yet, and was still well controlled by her past (am I making sense? I hope you get my point).

Just like Gang Tae, as a result of not confronting her fears, Mun Young's untreated APSD only served to worsen as time passes, opting to steal and smoke as a form of coping, and she resorted to leave it that way.

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Sang Tae

I came to adore Sang Tae a lot as the series progressed. While he was born with Autism since birth and suffered from PTSD after that, he still tries his best to be the elder brother Gang Tae always needed (mini spoiler: episode 11 will bawl your eyes out).

I learnt to see autism in a different light, and came to realise that people with autism shouldn’t be treated any differently; while Sang Tae faced slight challenges interpreting social contexts and still lacked maturity at times, he’s someone that really wanted the best for his brother and appreciated the sacrifices Gang Tae made for him (I won’t elaborate much on this topic yet, but maybe for another post after the series ends).

His love for dinosaurs and also his perfect memorisation of all the cartoon dialogues also gotten himself a special place in my heart!

Being the only person to witness his mother being murdered, I can only imagine the fear and pain he had to go through alone.. and whoever (or whatever) he associated with his mother’s death had something to do with butterflies. Whenever spring season arrives, Sang Tae would have recurring nightmares about butterflies, which prompted Gang Tae to quit his job and move to a new environment.

As of now (Episode 11), I still cannot fully confirm why Sang Tae only had nightmares during Spring season. But my current theories would be that its either 1) The season his mother died, or 2) The spring season is when butterflies thrive.

What I found really ironic was the fact that Sang Tae himself uses the butterfly-hug method to calm himself down whenever he entered a state of panic and anxiety! Even Mun Young and Gang Tae used this method too.

*You can read more about this psychotherapy treatment here https://www.crowe-associates.co.uk/psychotherapy/butterfly-hug-method/ (I really appreciate the screenwriter for introducing this to us viewers. It really helped me approach my thoughts more calmly)!

Source: Remaja

Sang Tae needed to overcome his fear of butterflies, or whatever he learnt to associate the butterflies with. Despite this however, he was already slightly ahead from the others. While Gang Tae initially never overcame the fear of going back to his hometown, Sang Tae already overcame that barrier.

Also, as a huge fan of Mun Young’s books, Sang Tae took her advice to heart: he’s learning to cope with his struggles and to not allow his past to define who he is. To illustrate this, I’ll use Patient Mr Kim from Ep1 to make my point:

Both Mr Kim and Sang Tae suffered from PTSD, but their method of coping were different, as seen in this table I constructed:

Based on my understanding, the difference between Sang Tae and Mr Kim’s response to their situation lied between acknowledging with your past or ignoring it. Both of them might have suffered from PTSD, but Sang Tae chose to live with this, while Mr Kim chose to run away and eventually committed suicide in the end.

As a result, Sang Tae grew to become more emotionally matured and learnt to overcome obstacles such as the fear of returning back to his hometown. Even though he’s still unable to face his major trauma (the ‘butterflies’), he’s still continuing to try.

Of course, this is just a brief comparison based on the first two episodes. Just like Mun Young and Gang Tae, Sang Tae himself also needed to have the courage to face his scars and to recover from it. It’ll definitely not be an easy process, but I know for sure that every one of them will eventually get through these phases, and I’m really looking forward to how the story will progress on!

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If you made it here, thank you so much for spending your time on this! Don’t hesitate sharing with me your thoughts and feedback on this series; not many people will bother analysing shows and when I do come across someone that shares the same interest as me, I feel really grateful because there isn’t many.. haha ^^